The one thing that could make me cry so easily….
My Family.
Yeah.. I may not cry so openly or as easy in public. Not even shed a tear in one of those most saddest movies ever made. Nothing could make me build up tears and cry as fast as my family does.
And I know when I do.. it’s the type of cry that… hurts.
My chest feels so heavy… my heart sinks deeper and deeper, then all the tears just flow out of my eyes so naturally. It takes a lot for to hold it in. Hold back the tears. Looking away to make it not stream down my face.
And it’s always family that can make me feel like this. My mind starts thinking.. thinking so much its overthinking.. overthinking it makes me depressed. Depressed that… sigh.
I sit in my room, just thinking of what’s been said. The pain/anger that’s been built up inside me… just tears flow out in its place. I hate when my family sees me cry. It’s so rare for them to see me like this.
They call me coward. and not tough because I use my tears to help me win in arguments.
Fuck.
You never let me fully speak. you never let me have my state of opinion. you always think I don’t listen when I do. you don’t understand what my situation is. Then you get mad. You tell me i’m worthless… threaten me. and then I cry. and nothing can stop it. Sometimes you just don’t know how much it actually hurts. I’m tired of things always being like this every single time. I want you to be proud of me… but I feel every time I try to do something…. It doesn’t help. Sometimes…. I just want to die. Wonder what is it like if I just weren’t here. Would your life be better if you didn’t have a useless daughter? I wonder those things… would your life be better if you didn’t have to feed an extra body… didnt have to spend money on an extra person. Would you sleep better at night not having to worry if you’re children would have a good life in the future. Would it? I don’t know. only you know that answer. I’m sorry I can’t be that perfect daughter you always talk about.. i’m sorry I have my mistakes.. i’m sorry I can’t always get along with family… Maybe… just maybe… it’s better if i just leave.
The one thing that could make me cry so easily….
My Family.
Yeah.. I may not cry so openly or as easy in public. Not even shed a tear in one of those most saddest movies ever made. Nothing could make me build up tears and cry as fast as my family does.
And I know when I do.. it’s the type of cry that… hurts.
My chest feels so heavy… my heart sinks deeper and deeper, then all the tears just flow out of my eyes so naturally. It takes a lot for to hold it in. Hold back the tears. Looking away to make it not stream down my face.
And it’s always family that can make me feel like this. My mind starts thinking.. thinking so much its overthinking.. overthinking it makes me depressed. Depressed that… sigh.
I sit in my room, just thinking of what’s been said. The pain/anger that’s been built up inside me… just tears flow out in its place. I hate when my family sees me cry. It’s so rare for them to see me like this.
They call me coward. and not tough because I use my tears to help me win in arguments.
Fuck.
You never let me fully speak. you never let me have my state of opinion. you always think I don’t listen when I do. you don’t understand what my situation is. Then you get mad. You tell me i’m worthless… threaten me. and then I cry. and nothing can stop it. Sometimes you just don’t know how much it actually hurts. I’m tired of things always being like this every single time. I want you to be proud of me… but I feel every time I try to do something…. It doesn’t help. Sometimes…. I just want to die. Wonder what is it like if I just weren’t here. Would your life be better if you didn’t have a useless daughter? I wonder those things… would your life be better if you didn’t have to feed an extra body… didnt have to spend money on an extra person. Would you sleep better at night not having to worry if you’re children would have a good life in the future. Would it? I don’t know. only you know that answer. I’m sorry I can’t be that perfect daughter you always talk about.. i’m sorry I have my mistakes.. i’m sorry I can’t always get along with family… Maybe… just maybe… it’s better if i just leave.
Posted 1 year ago
